Where to begin? I had the idea this morning to go visit our friend Marguerite at the Christian Community Home here in town. We met her back at Christmastime in 2005 when we went to say hi and give hugs to residents. I'm not sure why we picked her room to visit, but afterwards I knew we needed to come back. And so we did. We tried to make it once a month, and we always went straight to Marguerite's room.
The kids loved her immediately and so did I. She was so sharp, so interested in our lives. It felt like we had known her forever. She saved treats and stuffed animals to give to the kids and told us her story. The wife of a diplomat, she traveled to and lived in many far-away nations. Treasures from these places filled her room and testified to a rich life (and gave me many moments of anxiety as my kids would pick them up to ask, "what's this?"). Marguerite had two children, a son who was a gifted flutist, and much later, a daughter whom Marguerite and her husband let their ten-year-old son name. The little girl adored her big brother but the family lost him at the age of 22 when he was killed in a car accident. My heart ached for Marguerite's loss and I planned on coming sometime to play my flute for her.
We began to call her "Grandma Marguerite" and the kids enjoyed trying on her jewelry (imagine Ethan in big red clip-on earrings!) and coloring pictures for her. Last Halloween I brought the kids by early so she could see them in their costumes. She loved my kids. When aides came in the room she would proudly tell them about us and how I teach them at home.
I wish we had made it to see her more often. After Cait was born it took me 4 months to visit. I learned that we had missed her 90th birthday party, which broke my heart. But I was thankful to have the chance to introduce her to my new baby girl. She thought it was good that I had had another girl because a boy would have been too much for me. The kids ran around the nursing home that day and I let them, too tired to chase them and enjoying the chance to sit and chat with Marguerite in peace. The baby nursed and we talked. It was a precious time.
That was 3 months ago. I had wanted to stop in before we left for vacation at the end of June, but in all the craziness, we didn't make it. The kids have been reminding me lately that we need to go and see her, so today I called to check if it would be a good time to visit. Her number was disconnected.
Now I'm crying. We can't go back. We can't sit in her little room and see her smile and hear her stories. I can't play my flute for her. She was an amazing woman and now she's gone. In a few minutes Brian will be home for lunch and we will tell the kids. Their sweet and affectionate hearts will be devastated.
I am amazed and angry at how such a wonderful life can slip away so quietly. I had always been afraid she would pass without my knowing, and would find myself scanning the obituaries while reading the local paper, just in case. The only information I've found is that she died on Thursday, July 5 at Regions Hospital, which means she was sick or hurt. Oh Lord, was she all alone? We were still down in Indiana then and driving home on the day of her funeral. We missed all of it. We can't even say goodbye. What should we do?
Maybe it will be good to tell the kids. Then we can cry together.
We will miss you so much, our dear Marguerite.
6 comments:
Oh, I'm crying right now for your loss Jen, I'm sorry. So sorry. When you're ready maybe you can find out where she was buried and bring the kids to talk about their favorite things they remember about Marguerite and you could play a song on your flute at the cemetary. How special that you were able to be friends with her. I bet your family was special for Marguerite. I'm rambling, sorry. I'll pray for your hearts to heal and feel peace.
I am so sorry for the loss of Grandma Marguerite. My heart aches for you. What a precious woman! Please have your own service for Grandma M. The cherubs can write letters or draw pictures, you play the flute and maybe put a cross in your backyard. You can still say goodbye. Love you!
That was a heartbreaking and beautiful tribute. I am crying for you too. Thanks for the call back today--you'll all be in my prayers as you walk through this with you sweet kids. May God be glorified!
I can imagine how much you and the kids filled her heart when I read about the place she still has in yours.
Have you read CS Lewis' 'A grief observed'? It has helped me.
Mark
Thank you all for your gentle and compassionate words as well as ideas of how to process through our sadness.
We looked at our photos of her last night and talked about some of our memories, but mostly just let the kids cry when they needed to. I'm trying to track down Marguerite's granddaughter to contact her, and maybe we'll go down to visit her grave east of Prescott. We'll see.
Oh sweetie--I'm so sorry. I know how precious your times with Marguerite were, and I know you enriched her life as well. Oh, I feel the ache you must feel in your heart.
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