Why am I sitting here at midnight, knowing I need to go to bed, but choosing tonight (of all nights) to start a blog?
Why write any of this down, anyway? Who will benefit from it?
I can't go to bed now. I just watched a Frontline program about the sex trafficking of women over in eastern Europe. I am sick and angry after seeing real women talk about what was done to them...what is being done to half a million women every single year in this evil-ravaged planet. I can barely stand it. And I know I cannot sleep. Not until some of this can come out. Be processed. Proclaimed. Prayed.
Jesus, why? How can there be so much pain? So much evil? The very ones that you created to be your image-bearers of beauty and life are being systematically hunted and consumed by the one who hates them for their beauty, for their life-giving ability. He destroys them, tells them they have no beauty to hold out for the world to see, steals their innocence, their physical and emotional health, and their unborn children. They are trapped. Without hope. Without anyone to come and save them. Their hearts are destroyed. Their bodies become diseased. Their children back at home weep because they have disappeared.
How can this be? How can I be so blind to what is happening in this world? I hate knowing this stuff exists. I should be doing so much more! LORD, what can I do? I want to fly to Turkey (or Soho or L.A. or everyplace else this is happening--which is everywhere) and burst into a brothel and carry them away with me. Take them someplace safe. Hold them and tell them about the love of their Maker. Rebuild what was demolished. Set them free.
But I can't even go and save one of them. I am a mom. In rural Wisconsin. I homeschool. I clean the house and cook meals for my family. I try to reach out to hurting teens. That's it. I feel so powerless. So ineffective. Why didn't I choose the harder road... the one where I could have gone off and sacrificed my "wants" for their "needs"? I could have made such a difference.
That choice is past me now. But what can I do now, Lord? I want to press into this life and use every ounce of it to serve You and the ones you love. I don't want to settle for status quo mommyhood and middle-class complacency. There are people dying all around me. Oh GOD! Please use me! Beyond my station in life! Please fill me with your strength and power to make a difference. To be your agent of life and hope and peace. Jesus--help me see what I can do. Don't let me settle. Don't let me coast through this short life. There is so little time and so much work. Please hear my prayer and work, mighty One! Let the tide of evil be turned back in Your awesome Name!